Here's to it all

Here's where it gets difficult.

Here's where I don't know where to begin.

And here's where this all ends.

Sometimes all it takes is a simple word or

two to make everything seem completely different.

Sometimes you must bite your tongue in order

to exclude false information.

This is where I begin to ask myself unanswerable

questions, and where I begin confusing myself.

When I finally find something good, someone/

something chases after me trying to ruin it.

I feel like I have more venting that needs done,

yet still I have no idea where to exactly to begin.

I feel as if I haven't been putting my all into everything

I do, like I used to.

I feel like there's always ONE person out there that

tries to ruin something I have once I really start to believe in it.

Sometimes, you just need someone there to

hold you.

Sometimes, sitting and thinking just makes things worse.

Sometimes, I just let myself down.

I Live In Notes And Photographs...

I believe in the sun even when its not shining, in love even when I'm alone & in God even when he is silent.


We don’t talk anymore 
and I can’t understand why.
 It’s like you gave me wings 
then told me it’s illegal to fly.



I live in notes and photographs and everything, I'm holding back. But you’re the words that weren’t enough, you remind me of a song I used to love.



There’s nothing scarier than
getting what you want because
it’s then that you have something 
to lose.

Good Advice!!

Lately I don’t care if I fall apart or stay together because in the darkness of every night, it will happen either way because my eyes finally see what my heart feels, complete emptiness.



I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles.

We'll Be Together, Again!

For some reason, when people mention that we all die eventually,

I don't feel as though it applies to the ones I love, and myself.

I feel as though we are infinite,

always alive and lungs breathing and heart beating;

simple because our love would be enough to keep us here.

In reality, I could die any minute now. You could die any minute now.

I've had only a handful of experiences with death in my life.

I feel as though death is a bit like the moon, the stars;

they are all so distant and unimaginable.

But, they are there, always there.

"I am a little shell containing tiny fragments of thoughts and ideas and emotions and love,
and one day the tide will be high and a wave will shatter me into a million inconceivably tiny pieces and bring me back to the earth, back home."

In reality, love does not keep us here, on Earth.

It keeps us together, I know, I believe it keeps us always together.

Love is not limited to one world, one universe; it is immeasurable,

unexplainable, like the smell before rain, the taste of one's kisses,

the way you feel when you hold someone's hand.

Love and death are not opposites; they are more or less constants throughout our lives.

There will always be death, and there will always be love.

We will always be together, you know.

I promise you this, with all of my heart.

I'd find you, wherever we go after this.

(whether it be on top of the clouds,

at the bottom of the ocean,

a different galaxy, a different star.)

I'd hold your hand, again.

We'll be together, again.

Move Forward

I let the darkness take over me...

it surrounds my body in a layer...

of comfort and fear...

and here in this place im content...

not think about the past...

or the future just here now...

falling alseep has become a challenge...

an when achieved waking up is harder...

but all i can do is take a deep breath...

inhale the morning sent get up...

get dressed and move forward

A dream it seems I'm living or rather a nightmare...

... I am a lost soul who can't seem to find solid ground...I am pulled in different directions, yet there is no one there to pull me...human instinct takes over... the need for another person to be close to... the need to eat and drink... the cautionary knot in my stomach that keeps me safe... but it's just a shell... inside I'm fighting to pay attention... I try to listen and nod or laugh at all the right times... and I seemed to have perfected it pretty well... so well that maybe I start to believe it... but as the laughter fades away I feel the smile slide off of my face... nothing feels right anymore... I feel like I could be so happy... and for some reason I'm not... I should be happy yet another instinct takes over... I'm keeping myself safe from every one...I close myself off to the point where it hurts more than helps... I walk alone even though I'm surrounded in a crowded room I push until everyone leaves me alone... it infuriates me, but I do it regardless... It's like an addiction, not wanting to get hurt... I can't help something that I hardly notice... I do I need some one to come and rescue me from this hell I've created... the walls are too tall to break down or climb... I need a hand to reach out to me... some one I don't know, will I ever be free from my own prison?

To Let Go!!

Sometimes the hardest part of letting go is not what you are giving up at the moment but what has already been gone for a long time...the sadness comes because you are just now realizing you were only holding onto a memory of what once was.

Letting go takes the courage to make a needed change even though you know it's going to hurt like hell.

To “let go” means not to worry about the future, but look forward to what might happen

To “let go” does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.

To “let go” is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization I can’t control another.

To “let go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To “let go” is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To “let go” is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.

To “let go” is not to care for, but to care about.

To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To “let go” is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To “let go” is not to be in the middle arranging the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.

To “let go” is not to be protective, it’s to permit another to face reality.

To “let go” is not to deny, but to accept.

To “let go” it not to intrude, worry or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings, and correct them.

To “let go” is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To “let go” is to fear less, and love more.

Goodbye To You!!

I Was Walking On Our Street Last Night, Just Gazing At The Stars, Wanting Space To Think, Wanting Questions Answered, Wanting Some Spark Of Clarity Even For Just One Moment. As The Time Passed Me By, After Hours Of Just Staring To The Sky, I've Come To Realize Things. Sometimes People Just Don't Care. Its Not Like They're Bad People, They Just Don't Think Of You. You're Just Not Special To Them Like You Used To Be And It's Not Their Fault That They Just Don't Care. No Matter How Much You Want Them To Be Affected They Just Wont. No Matter How Much You Try To Make Them Understand Their Fault They Just Wont. It's The Harsh Reality We All Have To Deal With Eventually. Good Friends Turn To Enemies. One Takes The Other For Granted, The Other Just Lets Them. I've Learned That No Amount Of Friendship You Give To A Person Who Never Knows What They Want And Need Will Ever Make Them Better People. They Leave You The Instant Your Life Gets Complicated, They Leave You Because You're Complicated. A Friendship With Them Is Just Injurious. You Offer Unconditional Love, Friendship Never Ending, Forgive Again And Again, Look Like A Fool, Let Your Feelings Die To Save That Friendship, But It Wasn't Enough. I've Come To Realize That Some People Are Just Like That. There Is Nothing You Can Do About It. Holding On And Hoping That They'll Change Won't Do You Any Good. Letting Go Isn't About Not Caring Anymore. You Still Really Care So Much That You Leave, You Still Care So Much That You Want This Person To Learn And Grow Up. You Pray Everyday For Them And It Doesn't Matter Anymore That They Don't Care, Because You Know You'll Be Okay, Because Your Still Here, Because Something Better Is Waiting For You. Your Still Trying To Convince Yourself To Truly Believe In All These, But In Trying To Convince Yourself You Eventually Believe In Yourself And Finally Move On.

Sometimes I Think Too Much

When Can We Say We Are Over The Past? When Can We Say That We Have No Regrets? When Do We Let Go? When Do We Hold On?

These Thoughts Still Dwell In My Mind. The "What-If's" Riddle Me Constantly. What If I Just Played Cool And Just Kept It All To Myself, What If I Just Kept My Mouth Shut And Let Things Be, What If I Was More Patient, What If I Needed Less And Gave More Of Me Even If There's Never Enough Of Me To Give, What If, What If, What If. So Many Regrets, So Many Situations I Wish I Could Change. So Many Things I Want To Let Go Of, So Many Questions Unanswered. I Really Still Believe That In Life There Are No Mistakes, Just Lessons Learned. I Think God's Saying That There's Still Something I Have To Learn.

I Feel Like My Heart Just Keeps On Getting Stepped On By The Same Kind Of People Who Never Gave Thought Of My Heart. The Same Kind Of People Just Hurting You And Wanting You To See You Hurt. I Hear My Heart Breaking A Little More Each Time. My Heart Used To Be So Well Guarded And It Only Took One Person To Break That Wall And Totally Crush It. One Person Who Pretends To Not Realize It And Just Ignore The Fact That You Were Once Friends. You Know These Kind Of People Exist And You Know Some People Are Like That And That's Just The Way It Is.

The Past Just Haunts Me Endlessly, Like A Nightmare I Can't Wake Up From. The Words Just Replay In My Head. Actions Appear Like It Just Happened Again And Again. Am I Crazy That I Can't Just Let Go? That I Still care? I Feel So Stupid To Ever Let My Guard Down. Not Only When It Comes To Love, But Everything. I Let My Emotions Control Me In My Academics, In My Family, In My Faith, In Everything. I Don't Think I Was Selfish, I Don't Think I Did Anything Wrong And Maybe That's What Was Missing. Maybe I Was Thinking Too Much Of How To Please Everyone That I Forgot About Me And My GOD. I Didn't Think Of Me, I Didn't Think Of My Heart, I Didn't Think That The Only One I Should Aim To Please Is GOD. I Allowed My Heart To Break, I Allowed It To Scar. My Fear Now Is That My Heart's Too Broken For Anyone To Love. Nobody Likes Broken Things. Forgiving One's Self Is Giving Up The Hope That The Past Could Have Been Different. So I Guess I Still Haven't Forgiven Myself At All. That's Probably The Reason I Can't Commit To Anyone, That's Probably The Reason I Let A Really Amazing Person Down And Probably The Reason Why I Can't Let Go Of Someone Not Worth Holding On To.